What I've learned about death from genealogy

Sure, we who work on family history have this peculiar relationship with death. We seek dates and places of death and spend an unusually large amount of time in cemeteries. Were did they die, when did they die, and who is buried with them? We want to know as much as possible about the circumstances of our ancestor's deaths.

I'm feeling that I've learned something about death from doing this work and I'd like to share observations with you here. As always, feel free to comment:)

1. No one gets out of this life alive. Everyone gets to die. I think that I want to live like I actually know that, and that I know time is limited. When I was in my early 20s maybe I did stuff that indicated I thought I was immortal. Maybe you did too? Now I know that death will come. Morbid? Naw. Just practical. It's good to know firmly that my stuff and especially my genealogy stuff will not go with me when I die. Therefore I need to figure out who gets it.

2. I'd like a nice smallish stone. We can't help but stand in the graveyard and think, gosh, that's a real nice stone over there! I am partial to the older ones, especially the Victorians. You can spot them across the way. They stand tall and maybe have a female figure atop. I like that even though it's not the style now. My Dad, his brother and brother-in-law all chose black granite. Maybe it's a guy thing? I'd really prefer a white marble stone but they deteriorate too quickly. Isn't it frustrating to see an old marble stone all eroded and losing the clarity of the inscription? It's amazing how quickly the old stones are going now. Maybe it's air quality.

3. I do want a stone. I wouldn't feel right without knowing that a stone was in place and waiting. Scatter my ashes where you please, but I want my page on Find-A-Grave. Stop by, leave a note or a flower. I like that FAG iris. When I think about it, that stone will be my placeholder in the physical world.

4. How long did your ancestors live? Having seen a whole bunch of tombstones that say the person died in the 90-something year of his life, and what with Mom being 98 now and going strong, and Dad making it to 92 plus, I need to take care of my parts and pieces because I'll be using them a while, most likely.

5. You can die anytime. A car accident took my aunt on a snowy day. Coal mine accidents took friends and neighbors of ancestors. My grandma, when she was just in her 50s, slipped on ice and hit her head hard after church one Sunday and was gone by the following weekend. Yup, you can go anytime.
If this is true, and it appears to be so based on the lives of the ancestors, it would benefit all involved if we were well prepared. Like with a will and making peace and stuff. Legal documents in order would be helpful. For gosh sake, we've looked at plenty of wills and know their benefit to heirs and genealogists too!! Ancestors dying intestate can be fun, but think of the relatives and heirs!

6. Back to tombstone designs. I don't want one that's overly tall and thin. There must be a ratio, I'm thinking, wherein the thing won't crack and fall over. Don't you think? I really am sad to see those old stones with a stub in the ground and the top asunder.

One can hope for an easy death but that's useless. We have little power over those aspects of life's end. But there's so much else that we do have power over and that's a joy to think about.

Tombstone Tuesday: Decorations and folkways

I was back visiting Mom who will be 95 this month and lives in Western Maryland in a little town called Frostburg. There had been some back and forth emails amongst the cousins about who was decorating Grandma's grave and it all got ironed out, once everyone was safely and well assured that someone was taking care of Grandma. Decorating the graves of ancestors is taken quite seriously in these hills: you can't have too many flowers on a grave but too few or none at all is a big problem!

There have been some mysterious disappearance of decorations and charges of thievery by an unknown assailant. It's not unheard of for grave floral decorations to go missing, especially if they are unusual or quite elaborate and beautiful, and not properly secured. Plus, they can blow away if not tied down. And because of the penchant for the weather to take a turn to ugly with a sudden freeze mid-summer or the like, most everyone uses plastic flowers. Here in SoCal, it's mostly real flowers or nothing at all. In Frostburg it wall-to-wall plastic flowers in cheery colors! Everywhere! So, on occasion, it's actually a treat for the eye to visit the cemetery and a nice drive through can be an afternoon's entertainment!

Decoration of graves has it's official kick-off on Memorial Day, which some of the older folks still call Decoration Day, especially when they are talking about getting graves ready. Frostburg is a place where the ancestors stuck around for a number of generations and then mostly moved on for better work opportunities. That said, a number of cousins live within close driving distance to the two major cemeteries where our people are buried, and Mom still lives in Frostburg, and Aunt Betty too.

My Sis-in-law likes decorating the grave and takes it on for our branch of the family.She is always on the lookout for suitable plastic flowers. Silk is too fragile so only plastic will cut it in this region's rugged weather. Throughout the year she purchases new flowers, keeps her stash, and then assembles them into a decoration using her personal knowledge of the person, to craft an appropriate and resplendent display. She wants the person whose grave she decorates to like it. Grandma Kelly's grave decorations are always pink because that was her favorite color. My Sis-in-law is exceptionally good at making up those decorations!

In the fall the flowers of summer are retired and a more modest fall arrangement in Autumnal colors takes its place, the better to withstand the changing weather. Christmas time sees poinsettias relieving the fall arrangements. Those stay for the winter, making a bright splash of red above the white of snow, and in Frostburg there's a lot of snow. There might be a spring bouquet about Easter time, but the "big guns" of grave decoration come out for Memorial Day and are on display all summer.

Grandpop Kelly got very upset at Mom when she researched and found that his own grandfather's grave, the location of which was once thought to be unknown, was in St Michael's cemetery after all. He insisted that if that was his grave, he and his father would have cut the grass, so it couldn't have been his grandfather's grave! Case closed! No further discussion needed. (Sorry, Grandpop, it is his grave.)

Decorating the graves of ancestors ties our family together. We take pride in knowing that no one is forgotten. We know that we're connected to each other because we share responsibility amongst the cousins and make sure that every grave is covered. It's just one other activity that makes us family.


Photo at top: Mom's brother Camey and his wife Rita's grave.

Dad's grave. Got style.

Grandma and Grandpop Kelly. Since Sis-in-law took over the decorating task the motif is all pink. Sorry Grandpop, but you know Grandma always got her way.

My great grandparents. Not forgotten.

In the way-back dark woods of West Virginia is a little cemetery at Magnolia. (See blog post about a visit to Magnolia here.)  When you find it you expect to see it all over-grown and unkempt. But it's not, and this Civil War vet and family member is still honored. He died in 1861 at the very start of the war. (For a story about him click here.)

 

 

This post uses a GeneaBlogger's blogging prompt called Wisdom Wednesdays . Check them out!

 

 

The URL for this post is: http://nutsfromthefamilytree.blogspot.com/2013/07/tombstone-tuesday-decorations-and.html

Wisdom Wednesday: Faster, Please

Some days it seems like I don't know a blasted thing. Then other days the knowledge comes at me like a freight train and it's all I can do to keep alert. It's Wednesday again and I'm using GeneaBlogger's blogging prompt called Wisdom Wednesdays so that I'm sure to take time and evaluate how this beginning intermediate genealogist is doing. If I don't do this the learning will likely be willy-nilly and random so this feels like it keeps me focused, more or less.

Have to confess that I kinda like the knowledge coming at me fast. Keeps me moving along and on my toes. But here's the thing: I'll be working on a project, like the Biggerstaffs right now, and then my DNA results come back from 23andMe and I am on the freight train again. But that's a good thing, right? Here's what's been happening this last week, in no particular order.

OMG! DNA! My results came back from 23and Me. So much information and I want to devour it all at once. Must resist. Am using some measure of self-control and taking it one feature at a time. Have explored the "DNA Relatives" tool, which you can read about here. And before that checked out the "Countries of Origins Tool" and you can read about that here. Getting results back is an information 18-wheeler, but if you just chunk it down there's no reason to be overloaded. It's all right there and the learning tools are easily accessible so that you can explore and learn as you go. See a new report? Look, the tutorial link is there on that same page. This morning I've received the first reply from my DNA matches and will be getting back to her immediately so that we can compare ancestors. Will use Mom's Big Tree on Ancestry to do this. Handy to have it there:)

Cousin Bait Blog. At the beginning of the year set out a goal and crafted a strategy (sort of) to build in more cousin bait and you can see that popular post here. One of the best things I did was start doing a Surname Saturday post. Not only does it give me an opportunity to review our research, see holes, and take a close look at theories, it's the perfect cousin bait! Something is working because a Whetstone cousin contacted me last week and we immediately got on to discussing the biggest "argument" about the Whetstones. It was so much fun!! Cousin bait is working:)

Am reading Oh, Beautiful, a wonderful book by John Paul Goedes. Can't put it down. It flows from page to page, story to story, family to family. I've read a couple of family history narrative books before and I get into them and eventually find myself thinking, "I really should finish reading this." Not with this book! Each evening I can't wait to read the next section and stay up way too long doing so.

Got thinking about cemeteries and tombstones because of the first chapter of Oh, Beautiful. Part of the beginning is set in a remote mountain village in Italy where the people all live close together and are closely connected. When someone died and was buried all felt that they could go "visit" that person at the graveside, discuss issues of the day and review problems. So they were gone, but still connected. We've, many of us, lost that. Cemeteries for the general population are often the setting of spooky Halloween movies. I like it when an insight like that comes up unexpectedly in something I'm reading.

Looking forward to participating in RootsTech online this week. The Armchair Genealogist, who gets a big e-hug from me for the Family History Writing Challenge and a lot of other stuff, has a brilliant post about how to participate online which you can see here. I think that having your conference open to those who can't be there for whatever reason is exceedingly expansive and generous of spirit and is in the vein of all that is wonderful about the greater sharing posture and good will of the genealogy community, and why so may people are drawn to it. My Mom is 94 and she can't be there but she is online and can participate. I can't be there this year but I want to enjoy and benefit from it as I can, and I'll be watching online too. So thanks and an e-hug to RootsTech. Have a wonderful conference and I'll be watching the sessions as well as looking for blog posts from all the bloggers in attendance!!


Photo of the Day from the Archive:

Dad's Sisters: Chris, Helen, and Louise about 1989.

The URL for this post is: http://nutsfromthefamilytree.blogspot.com/2013/03/wisdom-wednesday-faster-please.html

Tombstone Tuesday: Really Old Stones

I sometimes find these really old looking tombstones when I go to cemeteries back in Western Maryland or look at Mom's tombstone photo file. They are a puzzlement to me and while I have no good explanation for them and the way they look, I just noticed another one in Mom's tombstone file and now I have a collection so here they are. If you have any idea about them please let Mom and I know!

As you can see, the dates on them range from the late 1700s to the late 1800s. Now I'm starting to think that this might be a style of home-made country tombstone that was made by an unskilled hand whenever a professional wasn't available. They were all located in the "back woods".

Searching I find this link to Old Gravestone Styles.  It does mention the use of slate in the 1700s and slate was a material readily available locally in the West Virginia and Western Maryland area where these stone were found. I was disappointed in that all of these from Old Gravestone Styles look more professional and artistic to my eye.

On another site, Gravestone Styles, I'm starting to see a rough form of lettering used in the 1600s on slab stones on some of these stones from Cape Cod. The closest match is a slab stone from the 1500s which you can see here.

Is this image backwards and upside down?! Truly, I can't tell.

The Braddock Stone in front of the Frostburg Museum.

Tombstone Tuesday is a weekly blogging prompt from GeneaBloggers. You can find the whole week's list of prompts here.

The URL for this post is: http://www.capecodgravestones.com/blothpixweb/rawson83blo.html